Show don't tell
Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. ~Anton Chekhov
Give the Reader a Reason to Feel Your Emotions
If you are writing a set of instructions or a professional e-mail, you don’t want to tease the reader by SHOWING indirectly. To convey complex technical details, TELL (“insert
tab A into slot B”) and be done with it.
But if you want to engage the reader’s heart, mind, and imagination, SHOW with vivid details that generate, in your reader, the emotions you want to express.
Rather than classify and list all the emotions that YOU felt, use specific details that give the READER a reason to feel those emotions.
If you are writing a set of instructions or a professional e-mail, you don’t want to tease the reader by SHOWING indirectly. To convey complex technical details, TELL (“insert
tab A into slot B”) and be done with it.
But if you want to engage the reader’s heart, mind, and imagination, SHOW with vivid details that generate, in your reader, the emotions you want to express.
Rather than classify and list all the emotions that YOU felt, use specific details that give the READER a reason to feel those emotions.
I’ll never forget how I felt after Fido died. I was miserable.
If I live for a thousand years, I’ll never forget how utterly and terribly alone I felt after Fido died. Months and months went by, and it seemed that every little thing reminded me of him. I don’t know whether I am ever going to get over his
death. Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from our walk,
Fido flattened his scruffy ears, growling. But he always forgave me. As his sight faded, the smell of fresh air and the feel of grass would make him try to caper. Eventually, at the sound of my voice, his tail thumped weakly on the ground. This morning, I filled his water bowl all the way to the top–just the way he likes it–before I remembered. |
Simply naming the feelings
that you experienced (telling your reader what you felt) is not enough to create interest in the reader. Can you find a way to generate, in your reader, the same feelings that you experienced? While the author has added specific details, those
details merely assist the telling – they don’t actually give the reader a reason to love Fido,and to suffer along with the writer. Reading this last revision (sniff!) always makes me sad.These carefully chosen details help us to understand the relationship between the pet and his owner.
Because the author does not supply a sentence that announces, “I loved Fido and still can’t believe he’s gone,” the reader is left to make that connection. That means the reader has to engage with the author’s details, and becomes more intellectually and emotionally engaged in the story as a result. |
Haikus that show
The crow has flown away:
swaying in the evening sun, a leafless tree. |
New life all around,
Birds singing, flowers blooming. The Earth stirs again. |
Icicles drop down,
Breath spirals like chimney smoke, Chilly silence falls. |
Gracefully slither
He sneaks to the net untouched With one swing he scores. |
Show, don't tell. means just what it says. Show the reader through your words what you want them to see; don't just tell them about it.
The idea is if you tell someone something, they might remember it and they might believe it -- or they might not. If you show them it so that they can see it in their own mind's eye, they are more likely to remember it and, more importantly, believe it.
Tell:
The ground floor, rented room was tiny, damp and obviously uncared for.
Show:
"As he entered the room from the hallway the first thing he noticed was the fusty smell: a combination of mold, damp, and stale cigarette smoke. There were snail trails across the worn, brown, cord carpet that covered what little floor space there was. Opposite the doorway, pushed up against the wall, was a single bed, covered with a duvet but no duvet cover and a flat, tobacco-stained pillow.
Squeezed into the corner of the room at the foot of the bed was a chest of drawers. On top of the drawers was a single electric hotplate. Opposite this was a sink piled high with dirty pots with a toothbrush just visible, peeking out through the handle of a mug. Facing the bed was a small table with a fold up-chair. On top of the table was an overflowing ashtray and yesterday's newspaper. Behind the door stood a mouldy wicker waste bin full of ash and cigarette ends."
In tell you get a fleeting glance of the room; in show you begin to see it.
The idea is if you tell someone something, they might remember it and they might believe it -- or they might not. If you show them it so that they can see it in their own mind's eye, they are more likely to remember it and, more importantly, believe it.
Tell:
The ground floor, rented room was tiny, damp and obviously uncared for.
Show:
"As he entered the room from the hallway the first thing he noticed was the fusty smell: a combination of mold, damp, and stale cigarette smoke. There were snail trails across the worn, brown, cord carpet that covered what little floor space there was. Opposite the doorway, pushed up against the wall, was a single bed, covered with a duvet but no duvet cover and a flat, tobacco-stained pillow.
Squeezed into the corner of the room at the foot of the bed was a chest of drawers. On top of the drawers was a single electric hotplate. Opposite this was a sink piled high with dirty pots with a toothbrush just visible, peeking out through the handle of a mug. Facing the bed was a small table with a fold up-chair. On top of the table was an overflowing ashtray and yesterday's newspaper. Behind the door stood a mouldy wicker waste bin full of ash and cigarette ends."
In tell you get a fleeting glance of the room; in show you begin to see it.
- Sometimes you can do a half show-half tell. This is where you get a character to describe another person -- that way they are showing and you're telling. "I'd be careful around him Cheryl, if I were you. He's a sly one that one, he can't be trusted.
- Because a character has said it, it somehow makes it appear more real to the reader than if we'd just written "Tom was sly and couldn't be trusted."
For Example....
Now you try...
Chose one of the following options, and turn the TELL into a SHOW. Begin by writing the TELL across the top of a sheet of paper. Then, use the tips provided to turn the TELL into a SHOW.
Show, Don’t Tell: An Overview of the Craft Element
1. Use active verbs to show what’s happening. (called, stepped, hung, though, swung, raised, pulled, watched, dropped, ran) 2. Use the exact words a character spoke (“Strike two!” the umpire called.) 3. Show the feelings of a character by what he does. (hung his head, heartbeat throbbing in my ears) 4. Paint pictures with specific words or groups of words. (I raised the bat over my shoulder and waiting, I dropped the bat and ran and ran and ran, first base.) |
A. I was trying not to fall asleep in class.
B. I was really nervous for the test. C. The room was hot and overcrowded. |
Extra Practice Show Don't Tell
Sources:
Copeman, Dawn. "How to "Show Don't Tell"." Welcome to Writing-World.com!. N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Mar. 2013. <http://www.writing-world.com/dawn/dawn02.shtml>.
"Show, Don't Tell: A Whiteboard Writing Lesson | Scholastic.com." Scholastic, Helping Children Around the World to Read and Learn | Scholastic.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 11
Mar. 2013. <http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/show-dont-tell-whiteboard-writing-lesson>.
Copeman, Dawn. "How to "Show Don't Tell"." Welcome to Writing-World.com!. N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Mar. 2013. <http://www.writing-world.com/dawn/dawn02.shtml>.
"Show, Don't Tell: A Whiteboard Writing Lesson | Scholastic.com." Scholastic, Helping Children Around the World to Read and Learn | Scholastic.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 11
Mar. 2013. <http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/show-dont-tell-whiteboard-writing-lesson>.